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---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Little Sheep <littlesheep22@yahoo.com>
Date: Wed, Apr 22, 2009 at 10:57 PM
Subject: [jewishadvocates] yated "ne'eman" and sexual abuse
To: jewishadvocates@yahoogroups.com
 
the first letter to the editor in the yated this week is a mangled version of one that i sent them. for the record, i DID NOT withhold my name. i signed it little sheep, as i always do. i am posting here my original letter, and their mangled version below it.

my original letter:

I want to commend you for having the courage to come out in the open and discuss a topic as controversial and uncomfortable as abuse and molestation in the frum communities. Please realize that as difficult as it is for you to write about it, imagine how much more difficult it is for someone like me, for whom it is a daily reality.
Nobody is quite sure when my abuse started. We assume that it went on for about five years, before I somehow mustered up the courage to tell my parents that a close relative of mine was continuously abusing me. On a steady basis, my privacy and humanity were being violated in the most horrific ways. It's been ten years since then. Ten years of therapy, of depression, of medication, of guilt. Ten years in which the mere mention of my abuser's name sets off panic attacks. Ten years of nightmares. Ten years of torture.
And the worst part, as Rabbi Lipshitz mentioned, is the shame and the silence. My very own family members know that I have some 'issues' but they think it is just me. What they don't know is that it is not me, but rather a very sick and perverted relative of theirs. What they don't know is that I suffer silently. I suffer from such a complete lack of understanding from everyone around me. I am constantly fielding shidduch calls, but people don't realize that I can't even dream about going on a date with a man. I have memories that none of my peers can understand. I have urges to do things that nobody around me can begin to imagine. I have thoughts, feelings and ideas that would make some of my friends run from me.
I believe that proper support is the first step towards healing, and therefore, I am working {together with rabbanim and therapists} to develop a network of girls from frum homes who have been abused, and are looking to heal together with me. Please email me: littlesheffele@gmail.com
Thank you for your courage, and for your support, and for giving us this voice,

Little Sheep

what the yated published:

I want to commend you for having the courage to come out in the open and discuss a topic as controversial and uncomfortable as abuse in the frum community. Please realize that as difficult as it is for you to write about it, imagine how much more difficult it is for someone like me, for whom it is a daily reality. On a steady basis, my humanity was being violated in the most horrific ways. It's been ten years since then. ten years of therapy, depression, medication, and guilt. Ten years during which the mere mention of my abusers name set off panic attacks. Ten years of nightmares. Ten years of torture.

And the worst part, as rabbi lipshutz mentioned, is the shame and silence. My very own family members know that I have some "issues", but they think it's just me.

What they don't know is that I suffer silently. I suffer from such a complete lack of understanding from everyone around me. I believe that proper support is the first step towards healing, and therefore, I am working, together with rabbanim and therapists, to develop a network of individuals from frum homes who have been abused and can look to heal together with me.

Thank you for your courage, for your support, and for giving us this voice.

(and despite the fact that i signed it as little sheep, they chose to sign me off as "name withheld")

 
i am asking you, my readers, to email this to everyone you know who reads the yated. i want MY voice heard, not what the yated feels like publishing!
 
---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: asher lipner <lipnera@gmail.com>
Date: Fri, Apr 24, 2009 at 12:04 PM
Subject: [jewishadvocates] Fwd: Important: must read
To: jewishadvocates@yahoogroups.com
 
---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: miriam weiss <miriam344@yahoo.com>
Date: Thu, Apr 23, 2009 at 12:49 PM
Subject: Important: must read
To: lipnera@gmail.com, nuchem <nr5155@gmail.com>

 
Newsday

Forum

NY must give child sex abuse victims more time

Richard B. Gartner, a psychologist and psychoanalyst in New York City, is the author of "Beyond Betrayal: Taking Charge of your Life after Boyhood Sexual Abuse." As the New York State Assembly considers two competing bills to extend the statute of limitations on child sexual abuse crimes, astonishingly little has been said about the prevalence, ...
Full Story: Newsday

 


 

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: asher.lipner <lipnera@gmail.com>
Date: Fri, Apr 24, 2009 at 4:39 PM
Subject: [jewishadvocates] Re: Op-Ed in Vos Iz Neias from Asher Lipner
To: jewishadvocates@yahoogroups.com
 
Thank you Elliot. I want everyone to know that the Aguda reads this stuff as I just got off the phone with Rabbi Zweibel. Therefore please feel free to post a comment either with name or aonymously showing support for the Markey bill. Our voices are being heard.

Asher

--- In jewishadvocates@yahoogroups.com, "efpasik" <efpasik@...> wrote:
>
> Vos Iz Neias, the most popular web site in the yeshiva and Chassidish world, has become a real friend. They promoted Albany Lobby Day, with a link to our JBAC web site. Please now read the very strong Op-Ed from JBAC Vice-President Asher Lipner. He answers Aguda, and the comments are in our favor.
>
> http://www.vosizneias.com/30531/2009/04/23/new-york-op-ed-agudath-israel-and-the-markey-bill-financial-bankruptcy-vs-moral-bankruptcy/
>
> Elliot Pasik
 

 
---- Forwarded message ----------
From: asher lipner <lipnera@gmail.com>
Date: Thu, Apr 2, 2009 at 8:04 PM
Subject: [jewishadvocates] Fwd: BREAKING: Brooklyn DA Announces New Plan To Urge Reporting Of Abuse
To: jewishadvocates@yahoogroups.com
 
---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: <hellawinston@nyc.rr.com>
Date: 2009/4/2
Subject: BREAKING: Brooklyn DA Announces New Plan To Urge Reporting Of Abuse
To:

http://www.thejewishweek.com/viewArticle/c36_a15385/News/New_York.html
 

 


---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: asher lipner <lipnera@gmail.com>
Date: Fri, Apr 3, 2009 at 3:54 PM
Subject: [jewishadvocates] Fwd: FYI
To: jewishadvocates@yahoogroups.com
 
---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Mayer Fertig <mfertig@thejewishstar.com>
Date: Fri, Apr 3, 2009 at 3:48 PM
Subject: FYI
To: asher lipner <lipnera@gmail.com>

http://thejewishstar.wordpress.com/2009/04/03/breaking-child-abuse-bill-criticized-as-red-herring-makes-it-out-of-committee-after-all/

Mayer Fertig
Publisher & Editor-in-Chief
The Jewish Star
2 Endo Boulevard
Garden City, NY 11530

Independent and original reporting from
the Orthodox communities of Long Island

www.thejewishstar.com
www.thejewishstar.wordpress.com

Office - 516-632-5205 x.4 Fax - 516-569-4942 Cell - 908-370-6202
 


---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Nathan Rosenberg <nr5155@gmail.com>
Date: Fri, Apr 3, 2009 at 4:44 AM
Subject: Fwd: [jewishadvocates] Fwd: BREAKING: Brooklyn DA Announces New Plan To Urge Reporting Of Abuse
To: mitvah <mitvah@013.net>
 
---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: asher lipner <lipnera@gmail.com>
Date: Thu, Apr 2, 2009 at 8:04 PM
Subject: [jewishadvocates] Fwd: BREAKING: Brooklyn DA Announces New Plan To Urge Reporting Of Abuse
To: jewishadvocates@yahoogroups.com
 
---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: <hellawinston@nyc.rr.com>
Date: 2009/4/2
Subject: BREAKING: Brooklyn DA Announces New Plan To Urge Reporting Of Abuse
To:

http://www.thejewishweek.com/viewArticle/c36_a15385/News/New_York.html
 
__._,_.__

 

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: asher lipner <lipnera@gmail.com>
Date: Thu, Apr 2, 2009 at 8:04 PM
Subject: [jewishadvocates] Fwd: BREAKING: Brooklyn DA Announces New Plan To Urge Reporting Of Abuse
To: jewishadvocates@yahoogroups.com
 
---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: <hellawinston@nyc.rr.com>
Date: 2009/4/2
Subject: BREAKING: Brooklyn DA Announces New Plan To Urge Reporting Of Abuse
To:


http://www.thejewishweek.com/viewArticle/c36_a15385/News/New_York.html
 

 


---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: NY Therapist <nytherapist@gmail.com>
Date: Thu, Apr 2, 2009 at 8:57 PM
Subject: Re: [jewishadvocates] Re: Story from NYPOST.COM
To: Michael Lesher <michaellesher@optonline.net>
Cc: jewishadvocates@yahoogroups.com
 
Try this link to get the book for $23 instead of the $35 on the list price.
Tempest in the Temple: Jewish Communities and Child Sex Scandals (Brandeis Series in American Jewish History, Culture, and Lif)

http://astore.amazon.com/frumtherapist-20/detail/1584656719

Chaim
 
On Thu, Apr 2, 2009 at 8:15 PM, Michael Lesher <michaellesher@optonline.net> wrote:
 
 
As a contributor to Tempest in the Temple: Jewish Communities and Child Sex Scandals, I know some of the strong material it contains -- very timely too, as it turns out! If the D.A. really wants to clean up the sex abuse problem in Brooklyn's Jewish community, he's going to have to unwrap himself from a good deal of his own history.
 
The book is cited in Elliot's position paper, by the way.
 
I know advance copies are going out now... I hope the book will be on the shelves soon. I believe Barnes and Noble will be selling it. For the moment, here's the link to the publisher's catalog site:
 
 
The book is certainly not all negative. It includes chapters that show how a sex abuse allegation can be handled properly by a rabbi and synagogue staff; deals with aspects of treating victims -- offenders too; and presents Jewish law that supports the obligation to report to secular authorities. But my own contributions to the book, and others, show that glib pronouncements from people like Charles J. Hynes -- in the absence of searching reforms -- aren't likely to solve anything.
 
Asher, thanks for posting the article. The book is also mentioned in The Jewish Week:
 
 
Michael Lesher

 

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: asher lipner <lipnera@gmail.com>
Date: Thu, Apr 2, 2009 at 7:49 PM
Subject: [jewishadvocates] Fwd: Story from NYPOST.COM from asher lipner
To: jewishadvocates@yahoogroups.com
 
New York
Post

asher thought you would find this story from NYPOST.COM interesting:

 

HYNES HIT FOR 'LIP SERVICE'
By ALEX GINSBERG
Brooklyn DA Charles Hynes announced a new initiative yesterday to combat sexual abuse in the Orthodox Jewish community -- even as a new book hit the market trashing his handling of those cases. "Sexual abuse is not only a horrific nightmare for the victims, but an agonizing experience for their parents," he said. The DA cited an increased flow of sexual-abuse cases out of the Orthodox community in recent years. The office currently has 19 pending cases. But Amy Neustein, an academic and editor of the forthcoming "Tempest in the Temple: Jewish Communities and Child Sex Scandals," called the initiative "lip service." "There's two decades of seriously mishandled cases," she said. "Why is case after case subverted rather than prosecuted?" The DA's office declined comment on the book, saying officials had not seen it.

To sign up for Daily Newsletter Alerts, please visit http://www.nypost.com/php/newsletter/classify_newsletter_clicks.php

 


 

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: asher lipner <lipnera@gmail.com>
Date: Wed, Apr 1, 2009 at 8:11 PM
Subject: [jewishadvocates] Fwd: Showdown Over Bills On Sex-Abuse Statute
To: jewishadvocates@yahoogroups.com
 
---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Hella Winston <hellawinston@nyc.rr.com>
Date: Wed, Apr 1, 2009 at 1:31 PM
Subject: Showdown Over Bills On Sex-Abuse Statute
To: Asher Lipner <lipnera@gmail.com>

 

Showdown Over Bills On Sex-Abuse Statute

by Hella Winston
Special To The Jewish Week

The legislative effort to help victims of child sexual abuse in New York State got much more complicated this week as two competing bills have now been cleared to go to a vote on the Assembly floor. 
The bills are sponsored by Margaret Markey (D-Queens) and Vito Lopez (D-Brooklyn) respectively, and have already set up a showdown, pitting survivors of abuse and their advocates — who support the Markey bill — against major Catholic and Jewish institutions, which are backing the Lopez version.
The Markey bill, which made it out of the Assembly Codes Committee earlier this month by a vote of 11-8, extends the civil and criminal statutes of limitations for child sexual abuse. More significantly, it creates a one-year window during which 
 
 
anyone can file civil actions, regardless of when the alleged abuse took place.
In California, similar “window legislation” cost the Catholic Church $1.2 billion in settlements, while also publicly identifying some 300 pedophiles who had previously been beyond the reach of the law due to short statutes of limitations.
The Lopez bill, which failed to garner enough votes earlier this month but was revised and voted out of the committee on Wednesday by a margin of 18-1, also extends the statutes of limitations, though by fewer years than Markey’s bill. More significant, however, the Lopez bill contains no provision for a window.
The sole “no” vote was cast by Assemblyman Daniel O’Donnell, a Democrat whose district includes portions of the Upper West Side, Morningside Heights, Manhattan Valley and West Harlem.
According to advocates for victims of child sexual abuse, opening a one-year window in which currently time-barred claims can be brought is crucial. This, they say, is because it typically takes victims decades to come to terms with their abuse, let alone feel able to speak out about it and confront their abusers publicly. Those who support a window note its role not only in providing some measure of justice to victims, but also in identifying previously unnamed sexual predators, who most likely would otherwise continue preying on children. 
“The purpose of the Markey bill is to expose the pedophiles who have been out there and hiding,” said Michael Dowd, an attorney who has successfully represented Catholic victims of child sexual abuse. “[The Lopez bill] just ignores the central problem. If you were going to have a bill that made any sense, you would have a bill that had a window. If you want to have it apply to public and private institutions, fine. But not to do anything about past sexual abuse is not doing anything to uncover pedophiles.”
Groups that supported the Lopez bill in its first incarnation include the Catholic Conference, the Sephardic Community Federation and the United Jewish Organizations, a Williamsburg-based social services organization whose head, Rabbi David Niederman, has close ties to Lopez and to the United Talmudic Academy (UTA).
UTA is a Satmar yeshiva that is currently being sued for $5 million by Joel Engelman, who alleges that a teacher at the school molested him when he was 8 years old. His suit contends that the yeshiva entered into a promise with Engelman to fire the teacher, which it did, until a few days after Engleman turned 23 and was beyond the statute of limitations. 
While Brooklyn Assemblyman Dov Hikind, who has publicly championed the cause of sexual abuse victims since last summer, was a co-sponsor of Markey’s bill, he was also a co-sponsor of the first Lopez bill. In fact, Hikind recently told the Five Towns Jewish Star that he was opposed to the window provision in Markey’s bill and is now a co-sponsor on the revamped Lopez bill. Hikind did not return calls seeking comment.
According to Marci Hamilton, professor of law at Cardozo Law School and author of “Justice Denied: What America Must Do to Protect Its Children,” the “correct name for the new Lopez bill  [should be] ‘The Hide the Predator Act.’”
“Unlike the Markey bill, this bill does absolutely nothing to help New Yorkers identify the many secret child predators in New York, who have been benefiting from the short statutes of limitations for decades. With the Markey bill, we have a proven method of finding the predators in our midst. The Lopez bill gives them continuing cover to abuse our children.”
Lonnie Soury, a spokesman for Survivors for Justice, a group of abuse survivors who grew up in Orthodox communities, urged the legislators to “stop playing politics with our children’s lives. Any support for the Lopez bill is at the behest of, and in the interest of, the Church and a few Orthodox Jewish institutions and not designed to protect children and their families from predators.”
No date has been set for either bill to go the Assembly floor for a vote. The powerful Assembly speaker, Sheldon Silver, has supported Markey’s bill in the past — it has passed the Assembly three times and been blocked in the Senate — but has apparently not offered his support this time around. n

 


---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: asher lipner <lipnera@gmail.com>
Date: Wed, Apr 1, 2009 at 8:12 PM
Subject: [jewishadvocates] Fwd: Fwd: Brooklyn DA Charles Hynes presses to expose sex abuse in Jewish community
To: jewishadvocates@yahoogroups.com
 
On Wed, Apr 1, 2009 at 12:51 PM, asher.lipner <lipnera@gmail.com> wrote:
 
As a therapist who works with victims of abuse, I can tell you that the difference that Chaim writes about between the words "encourage" and "invite" is significant.

I believe it depends on each particular case.  Studies show that when a victim of interpsersonal trauma, sexual or otherwise, names his or her abuser and prosecutes either criminally or civilly, the number one factor that determines whether they have a benficial therapeutic experience, is not whether they win or lose, but rather whether they had the support of friends, family and community.

That means that if a victim wins a cash settlement and gets his or her perpetrator punished, but does it all by themselves, they tend  NOT to feel much better.  It is a hollow, lonely  victory.

On the other hand, when they are supported in their pursuit of justice, then even if unsuccessful for whatever reason, they feel much better about being supported in getting their day in court.

Sometimes a victim does not want to be encouraged, only invited and given a sense that they will NOT be stigmtized and punished by the community.  Sometimes a victim wants very badly, but due to traumatic symptoms is avoidant of confrontation.  They NEED to be encouraged to follow their hearts and not give in to irrational fears.  If they have the proper support, they will most likely NOT be retraumatized but will find healing in their pursuit of justice and their overcoming their fear of the perpetrator and his or her supporters, and their shame that has been created by our community's stigma.

One of the healing aspects of public confrontation, described by Judith Herman in "Trauma and Healing" is the feeling of helping others by stopping the abuser from hurting others.  For many survivors, this helps them make meaning and feel there was some good that came out of their experience.  Think Elie Wiesel and Simon Wiesenthal.

I will give one example. When there were two little girls who were raped last year in Boro Park, they were DIScouraged from talking to the police because there was some chance that it would be found out that they had been raped and traumatized and this would hurt their shidduchim.  Logical.  However, NOBODY that I know of thought to worry abuot the trauma that these girls would reexperience if another little girl was then raped by the same rapist and they would spend the rest of their lives feeling they could have helped prevent it.  No stigma, except if this retraumatization would lead to more severe mental illness which would also not do wonders for their shidduchim.  So while Chaim is right that we must tread very carefully, inviting is sometimes not enough.

In our community, every single one of the survivors who have gone public with their personal stories in order to seek justice has expressed feeling good about doing so.  That does not mean it is for everyone, as some people do not feel the need to.  But it should be encouraged for those who do.

Asher

--- In jewishadvocates@yahoogroups.com, NY Therapist <nytherapist@...> wrote:
>
> Perhaps this will not make me the most popular member on this list; however,
> I will state it for the sake of the multitudes of victims.
>  The article states the following:
 
> > Brooklyn District Attorney Charles Hynes<http://www.nydailynews.com/topics/Charles+Hynes> will
> > announce Project Kol Tzedek - Hebrew for "Voice of Justice" - on Wednesday.<http://www.nydailynews.com/topics/Charles+Hynes>

> > The first-ever team of prosecutors, counselors, religious leaders and
> > Jewish social agencies will work to encourage young victims to name their
> > attackers.
> I think as a group of helping professionals, we have to watch our words as
> well as advocate for laws, regulations and advocates to use words that are
> helpful.  "encouraging young victims to name attackers" may not always be
> helpful to the victims.  We should really "*INVITE*" them to share and name
> victims.  We need to make sure that we we provide support for and keep youth
> and adults who do come out, safe from stigma and other verbal attacks.
> Lets make sure that we do not re-victimize in our attempts to be helpful.
> Chaim
 
> [image: The Body Remembers: The Psychophysiology of Trauma and Trauma
> Treatment] <http://astore.amazon.com/frumtherapist-20/detail/0393703274>

> On 4/1/09, asher lipner <lipnera@...> wrote:
> > ---------- Forwarded message ----------
 
> > From: Hella Winston <hellawinston@...>
> > Date: Wed, Apr 1, 2009 at 8:58 AM
> > Subject: Brooklyn DA Charles Hynes presses to expose sex abuse in Jewish
> > community
To:> >  Brooklyn DA Charles Hynes presses to expose sex abuse in Jewish community
 
> > BY SIMONE WEICHSELBAUM<http://www.nydailynews.com/authors/Simone%20Weichselbaum>
> > DAILY NEWS STAFF WRITER
> > Wednesday, April 1st 2009, 4:00 AM
 
> > The Brooklyn <http://www.nydailynews.com/topics/Brooklyn> district

> > attorney's office is planning a new crackdown on sexual abuse in the
> > ultra-Orthodox Jewish community, where victims have hid their shame for
> > decades.
 
> > Brooklyn District Attorney Charles Hynes<http://www.nydailynews.com/topics/Charles+Hynes> will

> > announce Project Kol Tzedek - Hebrew for "Voice of Justice" - on Wednesday.
> > The first-ever team of prosecutors, counselors, religious leaders and
> > Jewish social agencies will work to encourage young victims to name their
> > attackers.
> > Sexual abuse in the city's Hasidic enclaves has gone largely unreported.
> > Victims say they fear the shame of the attack and condemnation for revealing
> > secrets to secular authorities.
> > But the culture has begun to change, officials said.
> > "Over the last several months, there has been a lot of articles in the
> > newspaper," said Sex Crimes Bureau Chief Rhonnie Jaus.
> > "It has helped people in the community come forward, and we are starting to
> > see more cases."
> > Since October, the Daily News has reported on five cases of men in Hasidic
> > neighborhoods charged with sexually abusing children, ranging in age from 7
> > to 15.
> > The DA's office now has 19 cases involving accused molesters from Borough
 
> > Park <http://www.nydailynews.com/topics/Borough+Park>,Williamsburg<http://www.nydailynews.com/topics/Williamsburg+(Brooklyn)>
> > , Crown Heights <http://www.nydailynews.com/topics/Crown+Heights> and
> > Flatbush <http://www.nydailynews.com/topics/Flatbush>, officials said.

> > "This is the highest amount that I have ever seen," Jaus said.
> > Under Project Kol Tzedek, prosecutors will visit yeshivas and synagogues,
> > and the DA will open a hotline and host meetings with victims interested in
> > coming forward.
> > Organizers have lined up major partners, including the Metropolitan
 
> > Council on Jewish Poverty<http://www.nydailynews.com/topics/Metropolitan+Council+on+Jewish+Poverty>,
> > the Jewish Board of Family and Children<http://www.nydailynews.com/topics/Jewish+Board+of+Family+and+Children>'s

> > Services, and Tikvah at Ohel.
> > Despite the progress, some participants asked not to be identified, afraid
> > of being shunned for working with authorities.
> > "The community as a whole doesn't deal well with the severity of this
> > problem," said one agency executive who is quietly working with the DA's
> > office. "In order for victims to feel comfortable, we feel we should remain
> > under the radar."
 
> > simonew@...
 
> ========================
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> ========================
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